MNTL + W(MN)… Faded Dating & Black Millennial Trends

Dating in Black America is reaching a boiling point of a dichotomy and no one has viable solutions for straight people who do not date outside their race.

The mental man and woman are having trouble finding each other in any form of proper compatibility. There is an ocean of people who flood dating apps, take up space at social events, love to be the first to ask for your number, all while being ill-equipped for actual dating and relationship building.

What is a dating person to do when the ill-equipped are usually the most available and tempting choices? They often have no problem showing the best face they have for as long as they can keep on the mask. As soon as a person tries to build on the foundation that was created with the mask, it all falls down.

Are we seeking satisfaction in compatible ways? Maybe we should stay single a while and see what happens!

We could be idealistic and suggest that people who want an intimate partner be patient and take their time to enter into a relationship. But is that what people are doing? It seems that when people approach a relationship with the intention of making it intimate, it suffers. When it organically moves from platonic to intimate, then it has better odds.

This is where we suffer. How many people in a fast-paced, over-sexualized culture are going to wait for intimacy? The pressures are everywhere, the suggestions are everywhere to get us humping each other so how are our relationships going to evolve in healthy ways? What will we have to change to get back to the days of fifty and sixty year marriages?

It seems that living a “self-pleasing” life that simply invites interesting people along for the ride, might lead to The Universe crossing our path with someone who fits. Making sure to check the intentions and expectations of a person who enters your life is the first step to keeping things platonic and neutral so you’ll know if you even want to go any further. Investing in a person mentally is the stuff that romance is made of. That is done best without all the expectations and desires to consume the person sexually, financially, or otherwise. Be single even through the infatuation phase… might not stay infatuated for long folks.

Are we dating for lasting marriage anymore or is love and release the new norm?

Is this what it has come down to? This curiosity is really deep because women still want this… right? I am not so sure that men do. Which is the reason I question now, if women still do. It’s almost like, “ok ni%&a… nobody is begging. If you don’t I don’t either,”with that match-your-energy kind of vibe.

Women have been in these submissive ass, domestic ass, boring ass, difficult ass, frustrating ass, hard working ass relationships and it seems like men have just been playing this whole entire time! Culturally and generally speaking about the position and plight of “Black” men as they relate to serious, monogamous, relationships, there has been much playing. Again, we are considering “Black” culture and where “Black” men have placed their own image and interests as a visible majority.

We do not get to see the dedicated family man who loves his wife and takes care of his children, in a successful career, with out a victimized social identity. We get to see our brothers in the worse light which influences our social perception before we even get near you or your soul. So women mainly assume the cultural norm. That the man wants sex at all costs. He does not care about a woman emotions because he systematically does not know or care about his own. The man cannot communicate with you because he thinks you will not appreciate his expression.. so I’ve heard.

So brothers, can you help the sisters out a little bit please?! Can you act like you have intentions that align with hers and match her energy at this point? We all know that there are good brothers out there. The huge “BUT” is that many good brothers are not actually good partners in a relationship. So does that make you good? Keep reading if you are just waiting to read something about women.
*eye roll*

What can singles do to check for deeper levels of compatibility early on without rushing or fearing wasting time?

The answer is simple. Do not rush and do not waste your time. The balance creates itself when you focus on the two extremes at the same time. We can all tell when we are rushing and when time is wasting without growth, change, or progress. So can we love ourselves and each other enough to know when the balance is not there? If rushing occurs, we should question it. If we feel idle time going by, we should question it.

We should be personally accountable enough to take necessary steps back to see what is actually happening in the reality of our relationships. Compatibility must stand the test of time because people evolve. The key to this dynamic is when the two people evolve, they must evolve in compatible ways that are sufficient to sustain a healthy relationship.  So do not rush! What we are looking for is a change partner. We are looking for someone who we can share energy with and create things with.

We can do these things in non-sexual ways with a person before we even consider sex because we want to see how it might go if it evolved into sex and commitment. We just have to stop being so caught up of a sexy mf in our DM’s. If we look at the idea of “sexy” as something mental… we might actually get somewhere in our relationships without tainting it with fake love aka premature sex. You must be ready to engage with another person like this without sex. If you cannot, it is a serious indicator that you do not need to be in a relationship because you truly do not have anything to offer.

Women and worth…who is the prize?

To make this less painful, it will be short. Women are the prize. Men just accept that shit and do your mating call that nature intended so you can attract the attention of a woman who actually wants to wash your dirty draws and push out your big headed babies!!

The worth of a person in a relationship is based on what they have to offer in the relationship. According to science, there are some things that women give in a relationship that men cannot. That is not the same for women so men, just take that and be okay with the fact that the woman must be chosen by you, and she must be wooed by you if you want her. She is the prize bruh… act like it.

In case you are wondering if you are appreciated by someone who knows your worth, male or female, ask yourself these questions:

  • Will they fight for me? Are they observant?
  • Do they check themselves or allow their infractions to ride?
  • Can they apologize and know why at the same time?
  • What comes first, me or their pride?
  • Do they support my insecurities?
  • Are they interested in what is happening in my life?
  • Do they listen and carry on a conversation or leave it up to me to add substance to our interactions?
  • Do they only come alive for sex?
  • Do they know how to make decisions/suggestions on my behalf, like where we are going, what we will eat, what vacation to take?
  • Do they know how to tell me what to do in the relationship?

Build a strong ship and navigate with love and happiness aboard.

It is fair to be fair so let us keep in mind that we are accountable for how we build our own ships because it is us who want to be taken somewhere in the ship. Friendships, relationships, partnerships, etc… who gets on one of these ships and doesn’t want to move? Let’s be intentional ladies and gents. Let’s be patient. Let’s ride solo so we can see where we are going before we start putting people on our ships going somewhere they don’t want to go. They will drop an anchor in your seas and slow down your navigation to your destination.

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